Obstinately Yours
by iTeacup
Summary: The year is 2212. Roughly 200 years ago, the entire human race was destroyed in an event that would later be known as the Great War. The survivors were modified to become the Gods' - the victors of the War - sex slaves. When demigod Naruto Uzumaki is pressured into buying an ornery humanoid, watch the two as they fall in love and discover the horrors of their society / NARUSASU
1. Toxic Fantasy

**⋰O⋰b⋰s⋰t⋰i⋰n⋰a⋰t⋰e⋰l⋰y⋰ ⋰Y⋰o⋰u⋰r⋰s⋰  
**

* * *

"We cannot despair of humanity, since we ourselves are human beings."

* * *

**Disclaimers: **I do not own Naruto, but I do own the original concept for _Obstinately Yours_.

**Warnings:** Sexual content, homosexuality, fluff & smut, DARK!Sasuke, along with various other things.

**Main Pairing(s): **NaruSasu

**Side Pairing(s): **ShinoKiba, MinaKush, KakaIruka, SakuraSaiIno, and a multitude of other ones.

**Hinted Pairing(s):** SaiNaru, KyuNaru (these are hinted but are never suggested throughout the story)

**Author(s) of Fiction:** Forever-chan and Cai**  
**

**Summation:** The year is 2212. Roughly two hundred years ago, the entire human race was annihilated in a historical event that would later be known as the Great War. The survivors were modified to become the Gods' - the victors of the War - playthings. As humanoids and property, they're expected to be extremely wanton and accommodating; but not all of them are willing to let go of their eons-old grudges and please their celestial Masters. When a young demigod named Naruto Uzumaki is pressured into purchasing an ornery humanoid by his close friends, he unknowingly unleashes a brutal storm that has been smoldering inside a resentful alteration for two whole centuries. Follow Naruto and his ennuied companion as they fall in love, discover the mysteries and secrets of their divine society, and go on a treacherous mission to change the past and right everything again. (Lots of Yaoi and angst :3)

* * *

"Hell is an outrage on humanity.

When you tell me that your deity made you in his image,

I reply that he must have been very ugly."

- Victor Hugo

* * *

**CHAPTER (1):  
**

**⋰T⋰o⋰x⋰i⋰c⋰ ⋰F⋰a⋰n⋰t⋰a⋰s⋰y⋰**

Just when I thought my life couldn't get any worse I saw Sakura standing in the archway of my bedroom door, smiling her surreal smile that looked so innocent and exemplary that you just knew she was up to something. Ino, Shino, Neji, Shikamaru, and I were sprawled out on my bedroom floor, doing various things such as our school assignments, babbling about the somewhat interesting things about our lives as demigods; like what's hot and what's not and dumb shit like that, that we didn't even notice what Sakura had in her arms – at first. Actually, now that I think about it, no one else noticed it either until it transformed and began feeling us up, which was, tragically, more evidence supporting the fact that this particular group of deities weren't studying like we were supposed to and should have sensed this kind of shit coming.

"No, but you should have seen that movie with me, Naruto! I swear to Adonis it would have been so worth it. Even though it was made like, three hundred something years ago and the actors were obviously human, it was really good! There was one girl in it, named Eno, who was super hot, like me."

"Yeah," I said absently, chewing on the eraser of my pencil. "Sure." Then I laughed. Shikamaru chuckled while Neji and Shino just scoffed, apparently unamused. Snubbed, Ino puffed her cheeks up like some sort of aquatic creature and pouted, crossing her arms over her large bosom in a rather childish, humanistic way. Yep, that would be a good word to describe it: human.

Even though they've been extinct for at least two hundred years – if not longer – we demigods talk about them all the time; the race of creatures who didn't have godly powers like we do, or have the intelligence and common sense like we do, and weren't immortal like we are. Yep, I'm talking about the little insignificant beings that had just fucked like mice, started war, and polluted this beautiful planet: the humans. I can't say I'm not happy that they're gone – I'm fucking elated!

"Naruto, please – are you guys even listening to me?" Ino inquired, sounding abraded. I just glanced up at her and snickered while Shikamaru, Shino, and Neji just shook their heads and continued writing their names down on their essays.

"Sweet Minato, you guys are unbelievable," Ino groaned, massaging the tops of her fingers into her temples, tracing the sapphire Aconitum that was tattooed neatly in the middle of her forehead. Like all the other deities who had full-fledged god parents, Ino had been born with the unique tattoo, which symbolized and acknowledged her as a part of the celestial community. Everyone in my bedroom had their own unique marking, except me.

"Forgive me, Ino, but I have no – nor will I ever – have interest in watching a film created by _humans_," Neji sneered, cutting his achromatic eyes sideways at me. Since I knew the reason behind his denouncing stare, I gulped and looked away, hoping that the others wouldn't notice; but of course (partially because I have the worst luck in our group and partially because Neji was never discreet in denouncing someone) they did.

"Don't let Neji get to you, Naruto," Shino opined from beside me, raising his cold, numbing hand to ruffle my hair. "We all like you, despite your detestable heritage. You're a lot better than your ancestors, trust me. Besides, you're Lord Minato Namikaze's son – which makes you more significant than all of us."

Neji snorted and looked like he was about to say something, but before he was able to, he was promptly silenced by Ino's fist.

"Little shit. Whose friend are you, anyway?" Ino snarled, rubbing with bruising knuckles with a frown.

"Naruto's, of course," Neji replied coolly, massaging the side of his face where Ino had struck him. An ugly bruise had begun to form on his chin, but as Neji passed his hand over it - barely grazing it with the tips of his fingers - the blueness began to fade until it disappeared completely. When he was certain that Ino wouldn't hit him again, he peeled his bleached gaze off her and then fixed it on me. "I wasn't trying to upset you when I said that, Naruto. I have nothing against you - I just..."

"Its fine, Neji. It's cool – we're cool, it's all good." I said with a small smile.

"It should be a crime for someone to forgive another so easily," Ino grumbled, crawling over to Shikamaru so she could lean against him and possibly steal answers for her stint. "Sometimes, I wish Lord Minato wasn't so liberal; but then again, I'm glad he is because then we wouldn't have you, Naruto!" She glanced over at me and smiled sweetly.

Neji, Shino, and Shikamaru nodded in agreement, making me blush. Embarrassed, I just laughed and grinned at them, and then attempted to change the topic of our conversation; seeing as I'm never, ever comfortable when we're talking about humans and my origins. "So, what's your guys' honest opinion about Inoichi's efforts to keep demigods off the streets after nine?"

"I think his intentions are good," Neji muttered without removing his achromatic gaze off his paper. He was obviously more engrossed with his assignment than he was with the conversation, and kept cursing whenever he wrote something incorrectly and had to erase. "Konohagakure is dangerous after nine, and so is every other place on Earth. Since adolescent deities like us are the most vulnerable, I believe his efforts are constitutional."

"I couldn't have said it better myself!" Ino chirped, clapping her hands together. "My father is so nice!"

"I disapprove of Inoichi's regulation," Shikamaru said slowly, wrapping his arms around Ino's midsection to bring her closer to him. "You'd think that, after two hundred years of doing the same stuff, our parents and superiors would know we're at least capable of protecting ourselves in a skirmish. I personally believe Inoichi is only enforcing this curfew because he's afraid his baby girl will go out running about with the bad kids if he doesn't install some sort of program for the youths."

"B-But, ah…" Ino's pretentious expression faltered a little – for what Shikamaru said was true – but she recovered rather quickly and cleverly retorted with: "Well, kudos to my father, then. If what you're saying is true, he has a good reason to install it then. I mean, if he doesn't watch out for me, I might just run off with a good-for-nothing ass like you!" She then pulled what we liked to call an "Ino" and gave Shikamaru the "fuck you" finger; and just when I thought Shikamaru was really going to let her have it, someone cleared their throat; seizing all of our attention rather effectively.

We all quieted and turned our heads at the same time.

Upon recognizing the pulchritudinous woman standing in the doorway to my room, I jumped up and stammered, "S-Sakura-chan?" I felt pretty stupid for shouting her name in a silent room, but I couldn't help it. I was surprised to see her there. Earlier, she had told me she wasn't going to come over due to the fact she had errands to run – but here she was, standing before me in that adorable green dress I bought her twenty years ago with the yellow trimming. She only had a little bit of mascara and eyeliner on – just how I liked it – and had her hair tied up in a yellow ribbon. She was scowling at me, but the cold look didn't faze me much; but the thing in her arms certainly did. She was holding one. She had one of those…_ things_ in her arms, and she was snuggling it to her bosom!

With jetty eyes glinting with unfamiliar humanity and unease, it turned its head and looked straight at me with an eclipsed frown fixed on its face. I felt my blood run cold. Sakura had a humanoid (translation: filth.) I wrenched my censorious gaze off it for just a moment and glanced sideways at my friends to note how their expressions were set hard, cold, and stony just like mine. Pursing my lips together, I looked back at the loathsome creature in my best friend's arms with the same bias animosity coursing through my divine veins.

Remember what I said about humans becoming extinct about two centuries ago? Well, during that time deities began to migrate from their celestial homelands to settle on Earth; but not many mortals of the time were fond of this transaction. They were unwilling to share the planet that wasn't theirs to begin with, threw a huge fit, and then stupidly declared war on the invading divinities. Of course, due to their mortality and lack of intelligence, mankind was quickly defeated. However, some corrupted entities of the time that were attached to the human race began to physically and mentally alter the remaining humans alive on Earth to become slaves and pets in an attempt to keep them from dying out entirely. Their attempt was somewhat successful. Due to their reluctance to let the entire race die, several twisted gods managed to make a nearly identical species out of the few alive, weary humans' bodies. The alternated humans that blossomed from this experimentation would later be known as humanoids; beings that had human characteristics and form; and sometimes, memories.

The alternated humans weren't much different from their ancestors, though. Despite the gods' attempts, the Corrupted Ones (or 'Breeders' we call them nowadays) couldn't make the humanoids generally more pleasing to the divine public. Most of them looked and acted like their human ancestors, and would occasionally bring up something that only a true human would know or recall. This unnerved a lot of deities, so they decided to alter them again in 2013; one year after the Great War. They still looked and acted like humans; but were more emotional and wanton, and had additional appendages, such as animal ears and tails jutting from their craniums and behinds. They could also shape-shift into a particular domestic animal. Some human-lovers claim that the Corrupted Ones mutated them like this to humiliate and belittle them, to rub their inferiority in their faces; while deities like me believe that the second mutation is for their own good and just seals the deal of them being our slaves.

Nowadays, they're always put up for display in the windows of certain sex shops around town; dressed in titillating outfits and sliding up and down poles. A lot of them touch themselves in public and dirty community property with their smutty presences. Despite their reputation as lovable pets and century-old companions, they're abominations of nature. So, really, it was something of a slap in the face to me when I saw Sakura standing there, all beautiful and whatnot, cuddling a short-haired, disgusting feline humanoid to her boobs and to hear its distorted purr; a noise that skipped beats every now and then, like a missing engine; which probably meant the damnable thing was sedated or rubbed down good with Aphrodisiac.

Oblivious to all our repulsed expressions, Sakura adjusted the little creature she held carefully in her arms, sliding her dainty hand beneath its body to support its rump. She then tilted her head to the side innocently, a gentle smile pulling at the corners of her coral lips. "Hi, guys! I'm sorry I'm so late. I didn't think the errands I had to run would take me so long to attend to; but I managed to make it. No biggy, right?" She paused to sweep her emerald-hued gaze around the room, finally noticing our disapproving facial features. "H-Hey, what's with the cold looks?"

Before a moment of uncomfortable silence managed to settle between us – for I sure as Hell didn't think anyone was going to point out to Sakura the source of our discomfort – Ino jumped upright from her laying position against Shikamaru and stared, ostracizing, at the little alteration. "What the fuck, Billboard Brow? Do you even know what the Hell you're holding? Go wash your hands – it's disease-ridden!"

Using her free hand to weave her slender fingers through the humanoid's black fur, Sakura clutched the revolting creature protectively to her chest as she reached to Ino's sharp tone. Her eyes had changed from bubbly bunny to sly, tail-twitchy cat. I recognized the change. She did it constantly with people she didn't consider part of her group (as cliche as that may sound). It used to drive me crazy and I'd yell at her and tell her she shouldn't be so mean. Now she was turning that crap on Ino and us because we – well, Ino – were confronting her about her sex slave?

"Well, duh," Sakura replied, sounding very snotty. "It's a humanoid, everyone knows what they are."

"That's just fucking stupid. Where did you get it? It's so gross; get rid of it this instant! You should know better than to pick up revolting things off the streets and bring them home!" Ino snapped, looking rather queasy and repelled at the same time. "What if it starts getting horny and tries to masturbate on one of us? Ew, the mental image is sickening!" I exchanged looks of unease with the guys in the room, and we all silently agreed that we weren't going to open our mouths and get involved with this.

"I _bought_ him, Ino. He's not going to do that," Sakura growled, "You're overreacting."

"YOU BOUGHT IT?"

I winced from the sharpness of Ino's voice and clamped my calloused hands over my ears. It wasn't like owning a humanoid was illegal (because it wasn't); it was just frowned upon by the more sophisticated deities like the demigods. In our eyes – more specifically Ino's and mine – it was like child pornography; it was just downright wrong. Only wealthier and noted deities liked the alternations; and the reason was simply because they were the ones who helped create them and were lazy perverts who wanted a good fuck.

When Sakura failed to respond, Ino dragged in a deep breath and crossed her arms over her large bosom. "Love, I'm not mad at you – I just don't think it's a good idea. Those things are nasty. Why did you buy it in the first place? What could make you possibly want to own a humanoid?"

"It's a bloodline trait. Her grandmother was a human-lover, and so is she!" Neji loudly proclaimed, glaring, castigating, at Sakura. Shino frowned and punched him in the stomach, which made Neji cough up some blood that vanished the moment it escaped his mouth. Disgruntled, Neji wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt and then moved his stuff over by Shikamaru so he didn't have to sit next to the two people who assaulted him the most in the group.

Offended, Sakura scrunched up her face and glared down at all five of us. "I'm not a human-lover! I just wanted to see if I inherited my grandmother's charm. She used to tell me that humans and humanoids alike back in the day were really drawn to her; and because I'm her granddaughter, she said they might be interested in me, too! So, you see, I wanted to make sure the whole 'love goddess' thing didn't disintegrate through generations. That's why I bought a humanoid!"

For a moment, no one spoke. Neji was rubbing his stomach next to Shikamaru, sore from Shino's punch; Shikamaru was staring at the humanoid Sakura held in her arms with a perplexed expression fixed on his face; Ino was muttering obscenities under her breath while clutching her flaxen tresses; and Shino and I were just sitting there, not wanting to get involved with the situation at hand. Then, as the silence was threatening to drag on, Sakura opened her mouth and timidly asked, "Are you guys… um… mad at me?"

"No," Ino said at last, tugging on a strand of her hair with a grimace. "I'm just a little upset, but not at you, Sakura. Humanoids just disgust me – speaking of humanoids, where did you buy that one, anyway? I thought Lord Minato debarred any Breeder from setting up shop in Konohagakure. You must have got that one outside the Village."

"Breeders don't have to have an official shop to sell humanoids, Ino," Shikamaru said, speaking methodically. He glanced over at the alteration Sakura had dangling in her arms. "Most Konohagakure Breeders breed humanoids in their own homes, speed up their aging process so they're old enough to have sex within a week, and then sell them into underground organizations that make a profit off them for them. Sakura could have got that alteration from a number of sources. Don't act so quaint."

"Shikamaru is right. Humanoids are so cheap," Neji said, trying to match Shikamaru's matter-of-fact tone. "You can get them anywhere."

"I didn't get him from an underground organization, or from a Breeder," Sakura said, adjusting the humanoid in her arms as she hurried over to us and plopped right down in the middle of our little half circle. Unbeknown to her, she was smashing our assignments – except Neji's, for he moved his out of the way in time – with her fairly large ass.

I sighed, knowing I'd have to stay up all night tonight rubbing out crinkles in the paper and redoing it; for my teacher was a bastard and liked all the assignments that were turned into him absolutely 100% perfect. That means no blemishes or mistakes – or in my case, crinkles created by a particular, ignorant demigoddess's round butt. Oh, well. This assignment, along with all the others before it, was just going to become another F to my failure collection anyway.

"Oh?" Ino said, genuine curiosity scribbled all over her face. "Where did you get him, then?"

"Probably from her grandmother," Neji sneered, erasing an incorrect answer he had accidentally wrote on his paper. "Dumb whore."

"Seriously, dude. Lay off her grandmother. We all know how much you wanted to fuck her when you were sixty," I hissed, swinging my arm so that my bicep connected with Neji's jugular. The force of my swing made him topple over and groan. I hated it when Neji insulted Sakura's grandmother, Aphrodite. The goddess wasn't a whore; she was just insanely beautiful. He was just jealous Aphrodite didn't choose him when she was open again for remarriage. "Please forgive Neji. I don't know what crawled up his ass and died lately, but I'm sure he'll snap out of it soon-ttebyo."

"Ooh, you've gone made Naruto mad!" Ino simpered, poking Neji on the forehead. "You're done for!"

"As the woman in the group, you're not making matters any better by adding fuel to the testosterone fire," Shikamaru sighed, leaning forward so he could seize his girlfriend by her wide waist. Once his arms were around her abdomen, Ino practically melted and snuggled up into his side. They both smiled at each other and then looked at Sakura and her humanoid, waiting for her to continue.

"Thank you, Naruto," Sakura said, smiling diffidently. "Anyway, like I was saying, I didn't get him from an underground organization or from a Breeder. I purchased him at Toxic Fantasy, you know, the sex shop on Route 666. It's sponsored by Lord Minato's congregation." Sakura patted the humanoid in her lap and ran her fingers over the bridge of its noise, making it scrunch up its face.

The moment she said the shop's infamous name, I knew exactly what store she was talking about. Toxic Fantasy (or The Corrupted Corner) was a sex shop downtown that sold everything that deals with sex and torture; so it didn't really come to me as a surprise that she went there to buy a humanoid. The place specialized in them, no lie. Only the most wealthy and lionized deities in Konohagakure could purchase one from there. Also, the shop's products' prices were outrageous, and a good multitude of the humanoids they sold were ill and even more vehement and wanton than those sold at other villages' shops. Talk about annoying; and just like Sakura had said, Toxic Fantasy was, indeed, sponsored by my father's congregation – partly because they had relatives who ran the store, and partially because not even great individuals like my old man could expunge old traditions.

"Oh, I know that place!" Ino said, prying Shikamaru's arms off her waist so she could scoot closer to Sakura. "Sukkot and I went there years ago to buy banana-flavored lube! Remember that, Shikamaru? Didn't it taste so good? That time, I actually swallowed all of it! Do you remember, Peekaboo? Do you?"

"That I do," Shikamaru replied coolly, not embarrassed at all. "You were a good girl."

Amused, I laughed and stretched out on the floor. "That's just wrong, guys!"

"It's not wrong, Naruto. Shikamaru and I have sex all the time," Ino purred, scooting closer to Sakura with a broad smile fixed on her beauteous face. "Just sometimes I leave Shikamaru dissatisfied because I can't swallow all his ejaculate… but I bet you it wouldn't take much to satisfy this little guy – little scum!" Extending her arm, Ino gaudily poked the humanoid's nose. It was only then did we realize the mistake in her doing that, for right when Ino went to pull her hand away, the humanoid swiftly sat up on Sakura's lap and began brushing its furry face against her pallid appendage.

Although that action in itself was harmless, what the humanoid did next wasn't. By poking its salmon-hued tongue out from its mouth, the humanoid proceeded to gross Ino out by licking her fingers, coating each individual digit with its disgusting saliva. The tiny creature then leaped off Sakura's lap and crawled up onto Ino, nuzzling the side of its face into her large bosom as it stretched itself over her chest to suck on her throat.

Reasonably appalled, Ino screamed and forced her arms forward, knocking the wanton humanoid off her onto the floor. The moment its rump connected to the hardwood floor it transformed in an abrupt explosion of thin mist. Other than the set of paper-thin, furry ears that adorned the top of his cranium and the flocculent tail that stirred restlessly on the ground behind him, the humanoid looked just like us: immortal. He was cute, too. He had milky skin that appeared almost white and had big, sere-colored eyes that shimmered with a multitude of nameless emotions. His hair was black and cut short, and he was rather gaunt, too skinny to be considered properly nourished. The only thing that blemished his adorableness was the wan splash of red on his face and his 'I'm high!' expression.

"Shit! That thing just touched me! Did you see that?" Ino shrieked, flailing backwards into Shikamaru's arms as if she intended to use him as some sort of shield or a source of comfort. "Get that disgusting thing's germs off me this instant, Shikamaru! Argh!" She clung radically to his cashmere shirt and shook him wildly, her eyes wide and revolted.

"Please, Ino, calm down! It's okay, he didn't hurt you!" Sakura said urgently, wrapping her arms around the lewd humanoid's torso. Without much effort she managed to pull him away from Ino and back into her arms. "Please, don't be like that. He just gave you a kiss – just a kiss! Oh, Ino, please! Don't react like this!"

With my eyes fixed on Sakura and her humanoid, I was utterly dumbfounded. How is it that Sakura could happily welcome that vile creature back into her arms after it just molested one of her best friends? Did that alteration mean more to her than Ino did? Impossible; but if it didn't, then why the Hell was she sticking up for it when it just molested Ino?

While I was too busy pondering about dumb shit, Ino looked like she was having a trip with hyperventilation. She was sucking in quick, little breathes, and her eyes, aqua in color, were stretched wide with shock and disgust. Scowling at the humanoid, Shikamaru pulled Ino closer to him and whispered calming words into her ears, words that were too quick and quiet for me to hear or understand – which was saying something, seeing as my sense of hearing was the most acute. Shino and Neji exchanged disapproving looks with each other and then continued to look on uninterestedly.

"Jeez, Ino, you're such a baby!" Sakura's tone was all tart and nonchalant, and I knew she was trying to play it cool now, but I could also hear the desperate whine in it. She sounded almost too desperate for us to except that awful being that just molested our Golden Girl. I watched her fingers move, and my eyes widened in amazement as she stroked the humanoid's thigh, exciting him more. People call me stupid, but this was just ridiculous!

"Sakura," Ino said through clenched teeth, her eyes narrowed and dangerous. "That thing is disgusting; get it the fuck out of this house!"

"But you don't even live here!" Sakura snapped, anger flooding into her sharp, emerald-hued optics. "You're always doing this – disapproving of my decisions! This is Naruto's house, not yours, you damn pig; so just shut the fuck up!" Her small, delicate hand intertwined itself in her humanoid's hair and pulled, making the fair-skinned alteration wince.

"You're right, this isn't my house; but as a member of this divine society, and your upperclassman, I have the right to tell you to get that horrid creature out of my fucking presence!" Ino screamed, throwing her hands down in ramification. Her pretty, cerulean-blue eyes were rimmed with frustrated tears, and her gorgeous face was scrunched up in anger. "Why must you be so stupid, Billboard Brow?"

Then, just when I thought it was about to get ugly, the humanoid sitting on Sakura's lap sighed. Just sighed and just like that, the bickering stopped. Actually, all talking ceased. A moment of awkward silence followed in suit, and when the alteration bothered to acknowledge it a few minutes later, he arched a slim, black eyebrow and muttered in a low, rather defensive voice: "What?"

Since everyone in the room was apparently too shocked to speak, I blinked twice and replied, "You."

The humanoid scrutinized my facial features for a moment with his intense gaze silently, and then shot me an abrupt, rather sexy smile and lolled his head leisurely to the side. "Me? What about me?" he inquired in a husky voice, staring off a little to the side, "Are you referring to me, or… 'Little Me'?" My eyes tripled in size when I watched the lewd alteration promptly shove his hand down his shorts and began pumping his erection.

Dumbfounded, and more than a little disconcerted, I cocked my head to the side as I watched an epicurean blush crawl onto the humanoid's pale cheeks. Sweat beaded along the creases of his forehead, making him look like he just ran a Marathon. Since the whole thing was so abrupt and uncalled for, all I could do for a couple seconds was just stare; and then, somehow, I managed to snap out of it and stand up. I was just about to flail always from him but his voice, no, his _moan _made freeze where I stood, preventing me from getting myself a healthy distance away from this wanton alteration.

...Did all humanoids sound _that_ provocative when they moaned, or was it just me who noticed how arousing that was?

Looking around at the little group of deities I called my friends, I noted how they were all looking at the blushing alteration with flushed faces, too. Due to their embarrassed and awkward expressions, I knew I wasn't the only one who thought that. Relieved that I wasn't the only one, I peeled my incredulous gaze back at the masturbating humanoid and gulped. Well, Hell. Now I was getting horny; and here I thought I'd never have to suffer the god-awful sensation of wanting to procreate. Fucking humanoid.

With all our eyes trained on him, the humanoid rolled over onto his stomach and lifted his ass up into the air. From the angle I was at, I had a clear shot of his asshole – a perfect rosebud that wasn't blemished or imperfect. Moaning loudly, the alteration reached behind him and began fingering his anus and pumping his erection at the same time, his mouth ajar and panting. I knew the instant I shifted my weight onto my other leg that I was hard, and I was more than certain it was visible through my jeans. Talk about embarrassing, and there were girls in here, too!

Upon reaching his climax, the humanoid reached forward and seized a hold of Shikamaru's pant leg, and with a sharp cry, he ejaculated all over himself and my bedroom floor. A drop of his sperm landed on my homework and turned a vibrant sere color when it made contact with the divine paper; but I wasn't all too concerned with that (after all, I had an F+ average and it wasn't going to change anytime soon)! I swallowed thickly and watched as the satisfied humanoid brushed his own black bangs away from his red face and licked his semen off his hand like a cat. He was expressionless after that.

When everyone continued to remain silent, I cleared my throat and folded my arms lackadaisically behind my head. Sure, I felt a bit awkward standing in front of my best friend and her humanoid with a raging hard-on in my pants – but I wasn't the only one, so I wasn't that embarrassed. With a mischievous twinkle in my eye, I smiled down at the alteration (who was obviously not worthy of such a glorious beam from the wondrous and very much aroused me,) and chuckled: "Well, that's cool. You got some voice-ttebyo. Thanks for the show!"

His dark eyes flickered up to my face, confusion etched into their depths. "Ah…? You're welcome, I suppose..."

For a moment, I wondered why he looked so perplexed – but then it dawned on me. Deities weren't usually amicable when they addressed an alteration. I had spoken to him in a lighthearted tone, one that wasn't accusing or sharp. No wonder he gave me a 'what…?' look. He must've never spoken to an individual who had regarded in a benign manner. Oh, well. What did I expect? He was just a shitty, perverted humanoid anyway.

Sakura let out a loud cough, which snagged everyone's attention off the libidinous humanoid and fixed it onto her. Pleased to have our attention once more, Sakura straightened her spine and absently wiped the semen that had been splattered on the floor next to her thigh. "Anyway, guys, I like him. His name is Sai. Isn't that just the cutest name you've ever heard? It means paint. Fascinating, isn't it?"

"Sai?" I repeated, trying the name on for size. It rolled off my tongue pleasantly enough. "Nice name."

Sakura nodded and smiled, looking rather relieved that I bothered to spark up a conversation with her. "Yeah, it is a nice name. It's original, too! His breeder, Danzo, said he didn't even give it to him. Sai came with the name and just wouldn't part with it. I'm glad he didn't. Sai is just too unique" – she paused, and grinned at me – "Also, while I was buying Sai, I learned that humanoids aren't just for sex. They actually make fantastic pets." As if to demonstrate what she said, Sakura began musing up the hair on Sai's head. "After you get past their insane urges to procreate, they're actually pretty affectionate!"

"She's lost her mind," Neji whispered from beside her, disgust scribbled all over his statuesque façade. "This girl isn't Sakura."

Everyone ignored him. "Oh, really…?" I murmured.

Untroubled, Sakura nodded and stretched her arms above her head. "I'm not going to lie. At first, I just wanted to see if I could charm Sai as a goddess – not as the granddaughter of a goddess; but then, while I was walking here, I realized Sai had enough sensibility to be my pet, instead of my slave! He is, after all, part cat!" With that said she ran her hand down the length of Sai's ebony tail and brought the furry appendage to her lips and kissed it. "I don't know what it is about him, but he's managed to banish the loneliness I've felt since I was admitted into Konohagakure."

I flinched when she uttered the word "loneliness." That one word caused me more pain than all the punches to the stomach ever had. Unfortunately, loneliness was something all deities – both demigods and gods alike – felt on a daily basis. Despite all the close connections we have with one another, we're still, in the end, lonely. I guess you could say it was the "catch" of immortality. Although nobody will openly admit that we all started feeling rather troglodytic was after the Great War – when mankind no longer prayed or respected us; or even existed – it was a common known fact. As gods, we naturally long for someone to govern, someone to control. Humans were that 'someone' to us for thousands of years, until we wiped them out. Nowadays, the sensation of loneliness is inevitable, and I am one of its most afflicted victims. Although I don't miss the humans, nor can I remember ever liking them, as the son of Lord Minato (the overlord of all Konohagakure deities) I'm subjected to a lot of time by myself; mainly because there are always vicious deities out there always looking for opportunities and chances to strike either my father or me down. So, to protect me from those individuals, my father sectioned me off from a lot of my friends and the rest of the community; which made me feel even lonelier. To me, loneliness was like a disease, and it festered throughout my entire being whether someone was or wasn't beside me. It was like a ticket to insanity, and although I have yet to board that train, I've felt it pull at me and in the last century, I've done almost everything I could to banish it completely from my presence.

So, really, in all honestly, it was something of a slap to the face when Sakura said that, in less than an hour of purchasing that wretched alteration, he managed to vanquish all the loneliness she, as a Konohagakure demigoddess, has ever felt in her entire life – which was saying something, seeing as Sakura was born in Konohagakure two hundred and sixteen fucking years ago.

If I had known or believed that humanoids were capable of vanquishing such emotions, I would have bought one years ago.

"That's interesting," Shikamaru said, rubbing circles into Ino's tense shoulders as he looked at Sai. "I'm not all that convinced, though. He's been in our presence for about an hour, and I still feel as renounced as always" – he paused to kiss Ino's cheek, which made her giggle – "Well, let me take that back. I don't feel lonesome at all. I have you to keep me company."

"Always and forever," Ino chimed, and returned the kiss, which made Shikamaru chuckle, smile, and then nod.

"Aren't they just the cutest?" Sakura asked me.

I was just about to open my mouth and say yes when she suddenly froze and stared off a little to the side. Confused, I knitted my eyebrows together into a look of bewilderment and peered down at her as a blank expression marred her flawless face. Then, all of a sudden, she jumped up, startling the shit out of me and Sai, who had been sitting complaisantly in her lap. I shot her a 'WTF?' look but she aptly overlooked it. She turned to me, quicker than my brain could register, and grabbed the collar of my shirt. With one swift movement, Sakura hoisted me off the floor by my shirt collar and stared up at me. Unfazed by her monstrous strength, I raised an eyebrow in question at her. "Uh... can I help you?"

"Why yes, yes you can! Naruto, you and everyone else absolutely must go back to Toxic Fantasy with me!" She yelled.

She was shaking me senseless and I wished she'd stop. Although I'm fairly resilient and stalwart, Sakura's always rough with me without intending to be; but that isn't her fault. She was, after all, an apprentice of Tsunade, the goddess of healing and strength. Getting stronger, delivering pain and suggesting exercise were major lessons that Tsunade taught to the demigods that trained beneath her. As much as I loved both Sakura and Tsunade, I just wished I wasn't their usual victims, because I received enough heartache and abuse from my father, who, like I said, ran this goddamn civilization and often wanted me to spar with him to keep me in good condition.

"W-Why?" I managed to stutter.

"I need to purchase some things to make Sai comfortable at my house. You know, collars, shampoos – humanoid necessities! I spent all I had on just getting him, so I need you guys to come with me so I can get the stuff. I'll be sure to pay you back tenfold! Lee won't go with me or pitch in with the costs because he's mad I bought Sai in the first place. He thinks it has something to do with his inability to pleasure me or something."

My ears turned red – whether in embarrassment or anger, I'll never know – but other than that, I was unaffected. Rock Lee, or Lee for short, was Sakura's boyfriend. He was the grandson of Kratos and he was one of the most energetic guys around. He had an odd taste in fashion, and always traipsed around Konohagakure with his god-awful bowl-cut styled hair. As if that wasn't bad enough, his eyebrows were unbelievably bushy and he had really round, big eyes. He somewhat reminded me of a frog - but he was awfully strong, too, so as the son of Minato, I _have_ to respect the dude. At first, I was surprised that Sakura was going out with the guy (Sakura's a prep and wouldn't be caught dead with a guy like Lee,) but after a while I understood that she cherished the way he treated her and decided to leave it at that. So, it wasn't all that surprising that he didn't want to go shopping with her for the humanoid she just purchased. After all, if I was in his shoes, I'd be upset, too! It's like having your girlfriend cheat on you with a creature that's much more insignificant and unsightly than yourself.

"Er, do we have to...?"

"I'd like you to!" Sakura said, looking expectantly up at me.

Scrunching up my face, I cut my eyes sideways at my companions, who like me, did not want to have anything to do with the matter at hand. Originally, we were just going to sit around, do our academic assignments, and talk about irrelevant shit like Ino's father's curfew regulation and the damn human ninja movie that came out in theaters hours earlier. I honestly didn't want to go to Toxic Fantasy. If I wasn't afraid of her blowing up my card on stupid shit, I'd give her some money and let her go to the damn sex shop again by herself.

However, I knew Sakura. She was a shopaholic, and I knew that if I gave her just a little bit of cash, she'd be back within minutes asking for more. Someone had to go with her to make sure she was getting what she actually needed, instead of wanted. Sighing, I jammed my fists into my pockets and shuffled the toes of my shoes against the hardwood floor. She looked so expectant, so unwavering that I just had to accept (even though I knew I was going to regret my decision deeply in the morning). "Fine, I'll go with you. How about you guys?" I glanced over at them.

Even though she had recovered from being molested, Ino was still clutching Shikamaru's shirt as if it were her lifeline. She looked really pale and disgusted, but she managed to plaster a fame smile onto her beatific façade and give me a begrudging nod. Shikamaru just sighed and tied his spiky hair up into a bun on the top of his cranium, signaling to me that he agreed to go along as well. Neji and Shino, the quiet ones in our group whom never put two-cents into the conversation, just sighed dejectedly and reluctantly stood up. It was like nobody wanted to willingly to with Sakura (which we didn't,) but we didn't have much a choice because there was no doubt in our sane minds that Sakura would force us to go anyway

Like an exultant, little child who finally just got her way, Sakura let out a high-pitched squeal and did a little victory dance in front of me. "Thank you, oh, thank you! Since I can't _Pa~tsu to kieru _Sai, we'll take my car – she's new, anyway. I've been waiting for the opportunity to parading her throughout the streets! Everyone just becomes so envious!" She then threw herself at me, wrapping her willowy arms around my torso to bring me into a bone-crushing embrace. "I love you, Naruto! You're the best buddy a goddess could ever have!"

Unable to smile sincerely, I just lolled my head to the side and shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly as I could. "Don't mention it, Sakura. I love you, too. Remember though, this is a joint effort! Shikamaru, Ino, Neji, Shino, and I… we are doing this for you" – I pulled away to gaze down at her young, beautiful face, and gave her a mischievous grin – "And also, I call shot gun-dattebyo!"

"Of course, of course!" Sakura laughed.

Whether he was too embarrassed to continue showing his flushed face to us, or simply just bored looking human, Sai shimmered down into his lithe feline form and curled up into a little ball on the floor. With an adorable giggle, Sakura scooped him up into her arms and cradled him. She truly did look happy, as if the wanton creature actually did manage to banish all the loneliness and dullness she felt. Hell, I hadn't ever seen her completely and utterly, one hundred percent happy since she got her medical license from Tsunade, and that, my friends, was _decades _ago.

I liked seeing her smile. I just prayed I wasn't going to regret my decision to go_ too_ much in the morning.

The drive to Toxic Fantasy only took fifteen minute, but it seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. Even though we demigods were capable of just transporting ourselves through time and space to different locations, we still purchased and drove cars – one great human invention that managed to survive the Great War. Some of us continued to drive vehicles because transporting ourselves by godly means was often tedious, and made the transported feel nauseous and disoriented afterwards. I was no exception. The first time I transported myself through space, I felt so ill afterwards that I couldn't stand straight and had to vomit behind the nearest shrub. Nevertheless, too soon were we sitting in the parking lot of an incongruous building, steeling ourselves for what laid inside; and the ironic thing was, the shortness of the road trip didn't bother me. What did bother me was the fact that Sai did not once take his intense, sagacious gaze off me since the moment we all crammed ourselves in Sakura's 2212 BMT Hybrid G.O.D Addition automobile.

"We're here… thanks, guys! You're all amazing!" Sakura said, throwing open the car door. Wasting no time to get her ass inside the sex shop, she scurried out of her car and slammed the driver's door behind her, Sai bouncing up and down in her arms. As the car door swung shut, Shikamaru, Ino, Neji, Shino, and I shared a long-suffering look, in total agreement that we all shouldn't have come and that this was totally not a good idea.

"At least she's enthusiastic?" Ino said, smiling tensely.

"Enthusiastic, my ass," Neji grumbled. "She's lucky she didn't leave that trash in the car with us. I would've slit his throat."

After we all managed to bottle up our pride and get out of the damn car, we walked inside the shop, which looked more like a club and a stripper-joint than anything else. Hell, it didn't even strike me as a sex shop until we stepped through the automatic doors and turned to our left. The walls and shelves of the store were covered with pornographic pictures and lewd objects, and even animated fucking figurines, which pounded restlessly into each other from a shelf advertising flavored lubricants and condoms to my right. Embellishing the room, along with its products, were large, exotic plants that the Goddess Demeter grew. The varied plants dotted each corner and crisscrossed the ceiling like beams. Between pictures of erect men and wet women were colorful gaslights that hung from old-fashioned black iron sconces, which gave off a soft yellow, white, or red glow that was, thankfully, really easy on my eyes.

Away from the product part of the shop were tons of cages piled like, a mile high, near the back door. Many of these cages were barred and closed up, rusted and neglected; but some of the cages, which looked like stripper poles with reinforced glass walls encasing them, were not; and had gorgeous humanoids grinding up and down the contaminated poles that jutted out from the middle of their mews. Even though I was on the opposite side of the room, I could clearly see the price tag for one of the humanoids that inhabited one of those smutty, open display cages.

¥ 3240000 yen.

Fuck, that's a lot.

A petite woman, dressed in a suggestive Egyptian outfit, breezily made her way over to us, and a roar of seductive, appealing music came with her.

Whoever the woman was, she was Barbie beautiful, with huge, almond-shaped eyes that were a deep, beryl green. Her face was an almost perfect heart and her skin was tan and flawless. Her hair was a pretty, auburn brown that fell in heavy waves over her shoulders; and as she absconded closer to us I realized she was an alteration, because she had a studded collar embellishing her bruised throat and had two pointed, brown ears adorning the top of her cranium. She obviously belonged to the owner of Toxic Fantasy, for there was a little blinking light bedecking one edge of her collar's tag. I didn't have to be a genius to guess that, if she stepped one foot outside the shop's perimeters, the little light would trigger the powerful bomb inside her choker and blow her up.

However, that prospect didn't bother me one bit. Humanoids were required to wear collars that had bombs implanted in them. If someone's alteration misbehaved, their owners were required to eradicate them on the spot. I glanced sideways at Sai, who was hanging limply in Sakura's arms. After Sakura gets what she needed and we leave this store, Sai would have to wear one of those formidable collars, too

I blinked and looked back at the humanoid that had approached us. Sakura gave the gorgeous alteration a sweet smile, and then turned towards us with delight scribbled all over her pale, beatific facial features. "Naruto, guys, this is Master Jagannath's humanoid, Jacinda. Jacinda is one of the very few humanoids that have been preserved since the Great War. Here, they call her type 'Originals.' Before the Great War, she lived in Britain with her little brother. Master Jagannath spared her life during the War and made her his humanoid. Don't you two plan on getting married?" She looked at Jacinda with an undiscerning smile.

Was that anger I saw flash through Jacinda's eyes? No, I must have imagined it – or at least I would have believed I'd imagined it if my weird new gut feeling hadn't told me otherwise. And I didn't need my amazing intuition to clue me in that something was wrong, because Jacinda laughed – _and it was full of scorn_. "Milady, humanoids are not allowed to wed something as good and holy as a God."

"Oh, that's right. I forgot!" Sakura chirped, oblivious to the scowl fixed on Jacinda's beautiful face. "Wouldn't want trash marrying into the family, anyway!"

When Sakura said that, I felt the atmosphere in the shop change. The humanoids that were touching themselves in their cages for the pleasure of their potential buyers stopped, much to their clients' disappointment, and glared over at us. I wasn't sure if my friends noticed this little exchange, but I sure as Hell did. Gulping, I turned towards Sakura and muttered, "I'm not sure if you should be saying things like that here-ttebyo."

"Why, Na –?"

"Welcome, my lords, to the place where all your scatological desires can come true!" Jacinda exclaimed, sweeping her arms to her sides as she gave us an elegant bow. When her green eyes flickered up at my face, I couldn't quite understand or comprehend the emotion I saw swimming in the depths of those beryl-hued optics; and I wasn't sure if I wanted to. "If you require any assistance or have any questions, please find me."

"Thank you," Neji said with a soft growl, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "We'll keep that in mind."

"Good," Jacinda replied with a respectful decline of her head. "If you need me, just call. I have the keenest ears of all the humanoids Master Jagannath has up for sale. Just say my name and I'll come running to you as quickly as I can." With that said, Jacinda started to turn around and walk away when she suddenly paused and glanced over her shoulder at me. "Pardon me, but you look familiar. Do I know you?"

I blinked and tilted my head to the side. "I don't know, do you?"

"Are you… Lord Minato?" She asked me, quiet and hesitant, as if she was afraid of hearing my response.

I blinked in surprise at her. "Uh, no, I'm not… I'm his son, Naruto. People say we look alike, but we're not the same person. I'm like, two hundred years younger than him" – I paused, and then raised my hand to rub the back of my neck sheepishly – "But don't worry, people mistake me as him all the time."

"Well, you two do look alike," Jacinda agreed, the corners of her mouth twitching downwards. "I've only seen Lord Minato Namikaze a couple of times. He's an elusive individual, isn't he? It's as if he's ashamed to show his face to the wronged, menial population…" Her eyes flashed, and with a grimace, Jacinda declined her head and proceeded to walk away, leaving me feeling utterly confused.

"What the Hell…?" I said, staring at the spot the British humanoid had been standing seconds earlier.

Neji shook his head in disgust. "For an alteration, she was horribly talkative."

"For once, I agree with Neji," Ino sniffed, crossing her arms over her large bosom. "Are all humanoids they sell her as annoying as her?"

"No, I don't believe so," Shino prompted when Shikamaru opened his mouth to agree to what his girlfriend said. "Personally, I think there is more to what Jacinda said when she brought up Naruto's father. Remember what she said about him being ashamed to show his face to the menial population? As a member of Lord Minato's Konohagakure, I can't just stand here while my intuition is telling me something is up. Neji, Shikamaru, will you two come with me to go ask Jacinda a couple of things? Naruto can watch over Ino and Sakura while we're gone."

"I don't want to go with you, Shino," Neji replied in a flat, cold voice. "I've had enough interacting with alterations for one day, thank you very much."

"Are you crazy? Like I'd ever leave Ino in Naruto's care," Shikamaru retorted, slipping his arm through Ino's to pull her closer to him. With a lopsided smile, Shikamaru glanced sideways at me and raised one hand in mock apology. "Sorry, man, but you're just not my idea of a qualified babysitter. You can hardly watch over yourself, let alone other people."

"It's cool," I said with a grin.

"Uh, excuse me? I'm not a baby, Shikamaru, so stop treating me like one. Just for that, I command you to go with Shino," Ino snarled, yanking her arm out of her boyfriend's grip. Harrumphing, she pushed him forward into Neji and then turned towards me with a huff, crossing her arms over her bosom again. "Honestly, what an asshole. Come on, Naruto."

"Ino, wait!" Shikamaru started, but was promptly silenced by Shino's fingernail digging into his collarbone. Shikamaru winced and gripped Shino's forearm with his calloused hands, but was unable to pry our apathetic friend off him with his strength alone. After a moment of futile struggling, Shikamaru sighed and sagged his shoulders in defeat. "Che'. What a drag..."

Looking rather triumphant, Shino released his hold on Shikamaru, and then turned towards Neji. "You're coming with me too, aren't you? Or do I have to subdue you as well?" For a moment, I thought Neji was going to slap Shino and tell him the fuck off, but to my surprise, Neji just sighed too and stuffed his hands into his tight pants pockets.

"I've been assaulted enough times tonight," he replied with a grunt. "So I guess I'll go with you, too."

"I'm glad," Shino said, reaching out to pat Neji on the head. "Shall we go find Jacinda?"

"_Hai_," Shikamaru and Neji opined, their heads declined and their shoulders slumped. Pleased, Shino grabbed both of their hands, dipped his head in departure to Ino, Sakura, and I, and then carted the two reluctant demigods off in the direction we saw the beautiful British alteration walk off in. When I couldn't see or hear the three anymore, I turned towards Ino and cocked my head to the side. "Are you sure that was the right thing to do?"

"Of course," Ino said a bit primly, reaching forward to grab my hand. "Sometimes, that asshole needs to be reprimanded. I don't like it when he treats me like some defenseless, spoiled little kid" – she snuggled up closer to me and wrapped her willowy arms around my waist – "But you, Naruto. You've never once treated me like a baby. If I wasn't in love with Shikamaru, I'd be with you, Uzumaki Naruto…"

"I'm flattered," I lied, smiling down at her. "But you're not dumb enough to leave Shikamaru for me, are you?"

"Of course not," Ino chirped, tightening her arms around my midsection. "I wouldn't leave Shikamaru for the world!"

"Your guys' sweetness towards each other is making me want to gag," Sakura commented, curling her upper little in distaste at the sight of us. "Anyway, Ino, want to go try on some lingerie with me? We can probably try on two or three outfits before I got to grab Sai's necessities and pay for them. Why don't we have a little fun while Shino and the others' are interrogating Jacinda?"

I knew the moment Sakura said "lingerie" Ino was hooked. Squealing like a little girl, Ino detached herself from me and latched onto Sakura's arm. "Yes, let's!" she exclaimed, gazing up at Sakura's face through excited, gleaming blue eyes. "However, I don't want _that_" – she pointed to Sai – "in the changing room with us. Give it to Naruto to hold."

I blinked in surprise at them. "What…? Wait, why me? What am I supposed to do with him while you two are trying on underwear?" I spluttered, looking and feeling rather indignant. I mean, why the Hell did I have to watch over Sakura's stupid alteration? I didn't come with Sakura to Toxic Fantasy to be her little pet's babysitter. I looked over at Sai only to find the short-haired humanoid staring at me, and a quiet growl, I glared at him.

Sakura ignored me and looked down at the feline alteration dangling in her arms. "You'll be a good boy for Naruto, won't you?"

Sai licked the side of Sakura's thumb and directed a high-pitched meow up at her, which I assumed was his way of saying "yes." Knowing that there was no way now getting out of babysitting the damn humanoid, I reluctantly accepted him when Sakura handed him to me. "Thank you so much, Naruto!" she gushed. "You're a true friend!"

I wished I could say the same thing about her.

"Since that issue is all taken care of, let's go try on some clothes!" Ino said.

"Okay! We'll be back in a flash, Naruto! Keep Sai safe while we're gone, alright?" Sakura said.

I met her eyes. She was studying me carefully.

"Don't worry," I said with a sigh. "I'll return him to you unharmed-ttebyo."

Sakura gave me a sweet, thank-you smile. She then grabbed Ino's manicured hand, squeezed it, and exclaimed, "To the panties' section!" Ino echoed with words with the same enthusiasm, and then, with their arms around each others' waists, they whisked away, leaving me feeling rather awkward, alone, and uncomfortable with a disquieted humanoid who kept tensing up and cringing in my arms.

Sai obviously didn't like being held by me. I sighed and tightened my grip around his furry midsection

"You know, you're a real pain in the ass for deities like me," I muttered absently. "I didn't ask for this."

Predictably, Sai said nothing and just stared ahead, as if he was trying to ignore my presence altogether. Jeez, what a bastard. I snorted and glanced over my shoulder at the entrance of the shop. I wasn't really up for exploring this place while my friends were off doing something stupid, but I was more than a little uncomfortable just standing there like an idiot with nothing to do.

I mean, who knew what creepy bastards were taking a stroll this unfortunate night and managed to get lucky enough to catch a glimpse of me just derping around in Toxic Fantasy? As the revered son of Konoha's ultimate God, being caught alone in a sex shop with no true intention would surely bubble up question and suspicion – something I seriously did not need.

"Damn, I really hate this position those five put me in," I muttered to no one in particular. "This is all Sakura's fault. If she hadn't bought_ you_" – I jiggled Sai a bit to emphasize my words – "We all wouldn't be here buying shit for _you_. Man, this is annoying!" Sai didn't say anything and just continued to let me shake him, which made me feel better to a degree, but made me feel awful a second later. "Bah, wait! No, that's not what I meant to say! I'm sorry; it's not your fault she bought you! Ah, wait. That's not what I meant to say either!"

Instead of hissing at me or spluttering in indignation, Sai just blinked, reached forward, and nuzzled the side of my thumb with his face. To my surprise, the unfamiliar sensation of fur brushing against my calloused skin actually soothed me and made me smile somewhat. After that smile surfaced on my face, whatever animosity I possessed for him dissipated and vanished. It was like he was a real cat, not some fucked up human hybrid. He sounded, acted, and looked like a real cat – and I liked cats a lot. "You shouldn't lick me," I cooed. "I don't taste good."

Sai just shrugged and flicked the tip of his tail. The action itself wasn't bad, but it snapped me out of the disillusion he put me in. _He's not a real cat. He's a humanoid, trash that we've created to rub in the memory of mankind's face._ I reminded myself with a grimace._ He's trash that continues to disgrace his ancestors. He's scum, scum, scum!_

After I managed to get the word "scum!" to chant over and over inside my head, I turned around and decided to explore the shop for a bit. I figured there was no harm in doing so since my companions wouldn't be back for quite some time; and I genuinely wasn't in the mood to stand around in just one spot while waiting for them. I walked around the store for a couple of minutes, glancing here and there at several products the shop had to offer, and then decided I was much more interested in looking at the humanoids locked up in cages than scrutinizing plastic pleasure toys. The cages lined up along the furthest wall from the entrance were unlighted and smelled like sweat.

With Sai cradled in my arms, I walked over to the cage closest to the back door and peered inside it.

Huddled up to the wall of the cage was a humanoid that appeared to be around the age of eighteen. She was a disgusting little thing, with her legs spread wide open, and her vaginal juices pooling around her butt as if she had pissed herself. Her slender fingers were plunging in and out of her vagina and she was moaning and looking at me through lusty, pleading, bluish green eyes.

I looked down at Sai and jiggled him. "Aren't you at least a little bit disgusted?"

Grumbling, Sai shook his head and spluttered indignantly when I poked him in the eye.

"Well, you should be," I said with a frown, "Because that is downright gross."

Ignoring Sai's meows of protest, I turned away from that cage and looked into another. This one didn't have a humanoid masturbating in it. In fact, there wasn't a humanoid in it at all. To my surprise, there was just a lame, small dog in there. Aside from its ears, which were a dark brown, it was completely white; and was looking at me through disgruntled, narrowed eyes. At first, I thought the dog was a humanoid that had shape shifted into its domestic animal form. However, it was clear to me the moment I reached out to pet it that it wasn't an alteration.

It bit me. It fucking bit me, and didn't give me any warning or sign that it was going to, either. It chomped down on the meaty part of my thumb and jerked its head to the right, tearing the calloused skin from my thumb right off my finger. I yelped and jerked my hand quickly out of its range just in time to hear his booming voice and feel his hand crack against the side of my skull.

"What the Hell are you doing? Stop harassing my dog, Akamaru!"

"Wait, what?" I spluttered, disoriented.

Something brown flashed in front of me and I could have sworn I heard someone scream into my ear, again. Frowning, I popped my bleeding finger into my mouth and sucked on it while I waited for my eyes to focus on the person huddling in front of the cage with the belligerent dog inside it. When my vision cleared, I found myself staring at an eccentric, frazzled, brown-haired kid with strange, cat-like optics. He had his lips skinned back and was snarling at me, but I was nonplussed. He had tan skin and two odd, triangular tattoos adorning both sides of his face; and was clad in nothing but a pair of pasty cargo shorts. He was also wearing a tight, red collar that had the word "Original" etched into its tag. Ah, go figure. He was an alteration.

What a weird alteration he was, too.

"What the fuck is your problem?" I demanded.

"What the fuck is_ your _problem?" The obnoxious humanoid rejoined, snarling at me while he tried to open up the cage with his aggressive, shithead dog in it. Although the gnarling gesture irked me to some degree – for I wasn't used to the whole fact an alteration could be dumb and defiant – I wasn't all that phased for I knew he was a humanoid and not an intelligent, charming, and witty individual like myself (ahem, I'm not being conceited!)

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I riposted, feeling rather incensed, "Huh?"

"Fuck you!" The alteration squelched, and then whirled around to face the cage he was trying to bust open with his powerless, soft fingers. "For the love of all things fucking mortal, why the Hell do those goddamn deities have to make these locks so fucking strong? Don't worry, Akamaru; I'll get this son of a bitch open! I swear on my life, I will!"

The white dog, Akamaru, just barked and wagged its stupid tail.

Knowing full well that the reinforcements on that cage were impervious to humans, I smirked and placed one of my hands on my hip, cradling Sai with my other. "You're an idiot if you believe you can open that lock all by yourself," I said a bit primly, giving him an arrogant 'I'm better than you!' smile. "Step aside and let me do it."

"No. Fuck you bitch," the alteration gnarled. "I don't need _your _help."

"Uh, actually, you do!" I said, taking a step forward. "Dude, just let me open it for you –"

"No! I don't need nor do I want your help!" The humanoid snapped. "I'm strong – I can do it by myself!"

The moment the word "strong" escaped from his lips, I wanted to buckle over in laughter. What an idiot! No humanoid could ever be classified as "strong" in this society. Compared to me – the son of one of the strongest deities _our _planet had to offer – he was nothing. I snorted. "Are you sure? Because, in case you haven't noticed, that lock is still intact..."

The invidious alteration glared at me, and then let out a loud sigh. "Just shut up, man. I know what I'm doing." He glanced over his shoulder at the lock fastened to the cage behind him, stared at it for a couple seconds, and then sighed again; but this time, it was a sigh of defeat. "Alright... you can help; just don't hurt him, though. He's delicate and will die if you –"

_"– Cut him," the brown-haired child forewarned, squatting beside a small dog with an embedded collar fastened around its throat.  
_

_"I won't hurt him, Kiba. I promise," chimed a flaxen-haired boy, waving around an orange pocketknife. "You should have more faith in me, dog-breath!"_

_"Why should I?" Kiba inquired with a lopsided grin, stroking the side of the afflicted dog's face._

_"Because I'm your guys' very own god!" the golden-haired child loudly proclaimed, taking hold of a piece of leather that jutted out from the canine's isthmus. "My dad says I was born to be loved and trusted by everyone in Konoha-ttebyo!" Fearful of the knife-wielding boy's close proximity, the wounded dog let out a sudden yelp and tried to scramble away from the child, much to Kiba's amusement and the golden-haired boy's devastation._

_"Wha –? No, wait! Doggy, come back! I wasn't going to hurt you!"_

_Kiba laughed and pried the knife out of the discouraged child's hands. "Hah! Just because you're a god doesn't mean everyone is going to like you, Foxy" – he scooted over to where the dog was cowering and gently took the dog's head into his lap – "You just got lucky with me. I liked you from the get-go. But this dog here doesn't. You got to get him to trust you first before he'll let you help him."_

_For a couple seconds, the golden-haired child looked upset, on the verge of tears even – but after Kiba managed to calm the dog down and remove its embedded collar, his cherubic face split into a wide smile and he began to laugh. "You did it, Kiba! You saved that dog's life! You're awesome! I couldn't have done it better myself!"_

_With a self-satisfied smile Kiba turned his head towards the golden-haired child and scratched his head. "Ah, it was nothing. Saving dogs is what I do." He turned his head to watch the mollified dog run off into the woods. "Next time, I'll let you help me; but until then, I want you to learn a knife properly. Like, seriously, the way you were waving that thing –"_

_Flushing red hot, the flaxen-haired child squawked indignantly and flailed his small arms at his sides. "SH-SHUT UP!"_

"– Cut him," I injected, stepping forward. "Don't fret, Dog-Breath. I know." I'm not sure what compelled me to call him that, but the appellation fitted him. Something about this alteration reminded me of someone... someone I had forgotten centuries ago... but I just couldn't put my finger down on whom. Well, whatever. Whoever I was trying to remember was probably no one important... "Hah, watch this!"

Grinning broadly, I cut the cage's iron catch in half with one clean slash of my index finger. It clattered to the hard, tiled neon floor with a loud, metallic _chink!_. I smirked, bend over, and picked up the broken clinch. Sai mewed in discomfort when I did, but I ignored him and tossed the fixture up into the air. It landed next to the humanoid's foot with an even louder thud and then disappeared into thin air.

"Well?" I jived. "How was that? Impressive, right?"

For a moment, the alteration didn't move. He just stared at where the catch was with a strange expression fixed on his face. He then, after snapping out of whatever trances the spot had put him in, shook his head and lifted his dark gaze up to my face. "Uh, thanks, I guess... I could've done it myself, seeing as, yeah... I... well, thanks, um...?"

"Naruto," I replied without hesitation. "Naruto Namikaze. What's your – ?"

"Well, thanks, Namikaze!" The humanoid interrupted, flashing me a tense, thin-lipped smile. "Perhaps I'll see you again sometime in the future! Let's go, Akamaru." Without another word, or even giving me time to respond, the bumbling alteration whipped open the door to the cage, grabbed his salivating dog, and then scurried off to one of the dark rooms in the far end of the shop.

I blinked twice, confounded. "What the Hell just happened?"

Sai just shrugged. "I don't know. I wasn't paying attention."

"Ugh," I said under my breath.

Sai snorted in response and then stretched his long forearms out in front of us. I rolled my eyes and turned to go check out another cage – but I didn't expect to see Shino standing there like a fucking derp. I ran right smack into him and nearly broke my nose on his collarbone. You see, Shino was like a goddamn rock – one couldn't make him budge, but I did make him flinch. I glanced up, looking at him from between my fingers like I was watching one of those stupid, ridiculous slasher (horror) movies. "Bah! What the Hell, man? Who said you could materialize right in front of me like that-ttebyo?"

"I'm sorry," Shino murmured, sounding way_ too_ apologetic. "Forgive me."

"Shino, dude, it's all good." I blurted, slinging my free arm over his shoulder. "I was just surprised, that's all."

The moment my arm touched his shoulders Shino cringed. Even though he was wearing a high-collared jacket that covered half of his face, I knew he was frowning. I frowned, too, because his behavior was totally not-Shinoish, and it made me suspicious. With a scowl marring my face, I stepped away from him, titled my head to the side, and said, "Oi, dude... what's wrong?"

"Well, you see, Naruto –" He started to say, but I cut him off.

"Hey, if you don't want to talk about it, it's okay with me," I said, holding Sai up to Shino's face and jiggled him. "I wouldn't want to talk about my feelings around this _thing_, either." I lowered Sai and jerked my head in the direction of the exit. "It's getting late... Let's go find the others and get going-ttebyo!"

"Yeah, about that…" Shino said, stuffing his hands into his oversized pants' pockets. "We're getting a humanoid, Naruto, and you are, too."


	2. Sasuke Uchiha

**⋰O⋰b⋰s⋰t⋰i⋰n⋰a⋰t⋰e⋰l⋰y⋰ ⋰Y⋰o⋰u⋰r⋰s⋰**

* * *

**"Hatred is a very underestimated emotion." - Jim Morrison  
**

* * *

**Disclaimers: **I don't own _Naruto_, but I do take credit for the original concept of _Obstinately Yours._

**Author's Note: **Revising and rewriting the chapters for _Obstinately Yours_ has so far very time-consuming and quite fun. I'm terribly sorry for all the frustration and whatnot I may have given you, the readers. I hope you guys continue supporting _Obstinately Yours_ and it's kin,_ Obediently Yours_, which will be coming out soon late September. Due to the amount of fans and followers the original of this story received throughout the years, Cai has made a website involving the characters of _NARUTO_ in the _Obstinately Yours_ universe. On the site is an encyclopedia of all the OC characters, side, and main characters of this fan-fiction, along with disclaimers and other stuff.

**⋰L⋰i⋰n⋰k⋰ ⋰t⋰o⋰ ⋰f⋰a⋰n⋰s⋰i⋰t⋰e⋰: w w w . obstinatelyyours ** ** .com [Copy & Paste into URL]**

* * *

**CHAPTER (2):  
**

**⋰S⋰a⋰s⋰u⋰k⋰e⋰ ⋰U⋰c⋰h⋰i⋰h⋰a⋰**

"Um, what did you just say?" I asked. My eyes locked onto his face. Had I heard him right?

Shino pulled his hands out of his pockets and reached for the humanoid in my arms. I handed Sai over to him without hesitation and on impulse dusted off the alteration-given germs off my hands onto my pants. Although I wasn't a mysophobe, I didn't want to be contaminated by Sai or any other stupid humanoid fuck-up. Just because my friends liked humanoids didn't mean I had to.

Shino passed his hand over Sai's ears and looked me right in the eyes. "I said, 'We're getting a humanoid, Naruto, and, you are, too.'"

"What the Hell?" I whispered, truly appalled. "Why-dattebyo?"

"The humanoids in those cages over there are scheduled to be asphyxiated this afternoon," Shino said, trying to reason with me in his airy, lecture-like voice (even though I didn't give two shits whether or not those abnormalities were going to be executed). "They lack concupiscence; therefore they're worthless in the BDMS macrocosm. Even if they were sold, these humanoids" – he gestured to the humanoids scheduled for execution later today – "wouldn't be lascivious to their masters. So, really, there is no harm in buying the ones scheduled for death."

"What the Hell?" I repeated, wide-eyed. "Who else is getting a humanoid?"

"Neji and Shikamaru," he replied.

"What about Ino? What did she have to say about all of this?"

"She's… not getting one," Shino said, deadpanning. "She left when the third humanoid touched her."

_Smart choice,_ I thought, mirroring Shino's impassive expression. I should have high-tailed it, too, before my so called "friends" got me dragged into this. I mean, God. Were we all turning into a bunch of perverts? Even if the ones in the cages lacked concupiscence (whatever the Hell that means) they're still horny humanoids; and we're demigods, for my father's sakes! We have other responsibilities to contribute to in our grand village; we're not supposed to slack off and buy and take care of retarded alterations that masturbate in public and merely live to excite others!

"I don't want a humanoid, Shino," I said in a cold, serious voice. "I'm not getting one."

"I'm sorry; Naruto, but you have no choice. We're using your notoriety to buy them," he said.

For the first time ever, I wanted to punch Shino in his stupid, expressionless face. Nothing angered me more than when my friends used my name to get whatever they wanted. When I was accepted by the citizens of Konoha as Minato's son and heir some one hundred and twelve years ago I swore to myself I'd never use my distinction for retarded shit. I wanted to be viewed as respectable and trustworthy by Konohagakure's population so when I become leader they'd be proud to call me their king; not as avaricious and , Shino was making it awfully hard for me to keep my reputation clean and spotless.

"You're an asshole," I growled.

"I did what I believe is right," he said, scratching underneath Sai's chin with his thumb. "You'll thank me later, Naruto."

"Like Hell I will!" I snapped. I had to control the urge to choke him. "I'll never thank you for forcing me to get a –"

"– Thank you for waiting for me, Master," a rather loud, familiar voice interrupted me.

Because I was in such a foul mood, when I glanced over Shino's shoulder to see who was talking to him I glowered at Kiba with such resentment that he paused mid-step and gawked at me. Shino frowned at me and then turned around to face Kiba, who unfroze and returned the hateful look back at me. "Don't mind Naruto," Shino said. "He's just mad."

"Obviously," Kiba replied crassly.

"I didn't know you were buying Kiba," I said succinctly.

"I wasn't aware you knew Kiba," Shino retorted.

"I met him like, ten minutes ago," I grunted. "His pet assaulted me-ttebyo."

"Only because you were fucking with him," Kiba barked. "He wouldn't have bit you if you weren't harassing him!"

"Oh, yeah?!" I rejoined, hiking the volume of my voice up a few notches. "I should have bit him back then! Tear 'em apart and eat 'em like chicken-dattebyo!"

Kiba's round, tan face went radish-red. "You!" he shouted, pulling up his shorts that had fallen low on his hip. "I will beat the ever-living shit out of –!"

"– Naruto, Kiba, that's enough!" Shino snapped, startling us both. "You two are acting like a bunch of fools." He turned towards his stupid humanoid and clasped his shoulder. "Go wait for me at the door, Kiba. I need to have a final word with Naruto before we leave."

"Alright," Kiba grunted, shooting me a glare before turning around and meandering towards the front of the store.

"What an asshole!" I said as soon as Kiba was out of ear-shot. "Honestly, Shino, couldn't you have gotten a nicer whore? He's so mean, and clearly has no respect for us gods-dattebyo."

"He respects me," Shino muttered, patting Sai on the head. "I guess humanoids just don't like you."

"Well, that's all fine with me, because I don't like humanoids, either!" I retorted childishly. "They're nasty-dattebyo!"

Shino was about to open his mouth and disagree with me, but a humanoid with a butt plug stuffed up her ass reached out for me from behind the bars of her cage. I whipped around and grasped her juice-slicked hand, managing to stop her from touching me, and squeezed her delicate wrist until I heard a faint _pop! _The oversexed alteration let out a shrill, high-pitched wail and tried to jerk away from me, but I wouldn't let her. I was enjoying myself too much, and with a grin, I shook her arm up and down and looked over my shoulder at Shino.

"I don't like humanoids," I said. "And they don't like me, either."

I released the humanoid's sprained wrist and watched with some sort of faint amusement as she hissed at me and scrambled away from the front of the cage.

Shino shook his head in disappointment. "You're something else, Naruto," he said.

"Thanks," I said, smiling at the humanoid I just hurt. She had her wounded hand clasped to her bare chest and she was hissing at me.

"Well, just don't go around hurting every humanoid you see. I'm going to go wait for you at the door," Shino said, glancing down at his wrist watch. "I'm going to take Sai with me so he doesn't burden you anymore. Pick out a humanoid you won't want to kill the moment it steps out of its cage." I snorted at that, but I could tell Shino was serious. "Once you get yours picked out, we'll all get going, alright?"

"Alright," I said.

Shino sighed and walked over to the front of the store, taking Sai with him. For a moment, I was tempted to be an ass and follow Shino to the front of the shop, and be all like, "hah! I'm not gettin' any humanoid, bitches!" But Shino would get mad at me and beat me up along with Neji and Shikamaru, so I decided to just go "along with it" and find myself a nice, mild humanoid with some sort of disorder that will make it easy for me to throw him or her into my bedroom closet and forget about 'em; but I doubted I'd find a humanoid like that here.

I didn't know much about humanoids, aside from the fact they were disgusting and constantly up your butt with their penises and moist vaginas. I heard once that alterations were bred and kept in a small factory downtown near the base of the Hokage Mountain (a mountain that had all the faces of all the village's present and past leaders carved into its front) until they reached a certain age and were then shipped to a variety of stores for purchase; but I've never given that much thought. After all, I didn't care about humanoids, and just because I was being forced to buy one today didn't mean my opinion on them would change any.

"That's right," I said to no one in particular as I stood up and meandered around the "scheduled-for-death" part of the store. "They're just stupid, smelly, horny alterations. I shouldn't put much thought into who I buy, because they're just going to clean my house like a maid anyway-dattebyo."

"You might not want to buy Sasuke, then, Lord Namikaze!" a sprightly voice woofed behind me.

I turned around to see a small, smiling humanoid staring at me from the glass panels of her exhibit. The little girl was about four and a half feet tall with long, tangerine-colored hair that reached a little past her shoulders. Her skin was a flushed peach color, darker beneath her bright, pink-marble colored eyes. Two small, rounded dog-like ears sat erect on the top of her head; and her teeth, small and sharp, were a brilliant white underneath the fluorescent neon-red light that shown down on top of her display cage. She was naked, but her tail – short and curly in nature – covered her bottom half; and although her chest was bare, she didn't have any breasts, so the sight of her didn't embarrass me.

"I'm not Lord Namikaze," I responded a bit dumbly, taken aback. "I'm Naruto."

She grinned, flashing those little teeth at me. "You look just like Lord Namikaze, though!"

I liked how chirpy the little girl was. "That's probably because I'm his son," I laughed. "I'm Naruto N. Uzumaki."

"That's so cool! Master Jagannath calls me 'Emi'." Emi's little tail was wagging one hundred miles per hour. "Are you just like your father? I really like your father."

"Nah, I'm nothing like him," I said as I walked over to her cage. Emi whined and began to wiggle like one of those actual high-strung terrier dogs. She tried to lean over the edge of one of the glass panels to lick me with her small, salmon-hued tongue; but I managed to stand just out of her reach so she couldn't touch me. She was cute, alright, but not cute enough to touch me with her nasty humanoid tongue. "Whoa, calm down-ttebyo!" I said.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" but she kept trying to lick me.

"Okay ~!" Emi beamed as she stepped backwards. She sat down and beamed up at me, ever so friendly, ever so willing to please me.

Emi was the perfect humanoid. She was playful and complaisant. "Good news, Emi. I'm going to buy you –"

"– I didn't know you were into pedophilia, Usuratonkachi," I heard a cold, jeering voice hiss from somewhere behind me.

Who the Hell said that? I turned around, expecting to see Neji or someone familiar standing behind – someone I knew who liked to make fun of me (pedophile? Just because Emi looked twelve didn't mean she was… right?) – But there was no one there. There was nothing behind me except for a couple of cages and little stands advertising the next best warming lube. "Huh," I said. "I must have been hearing things-ttebyo."

"You weren't hearing things, Lord Uzumaki," Emi piped up. "That was Sasuke. Sasuke's _defective_."

As soon as the word "defective" slipped out of Emi's mouth, I glanced over to a large cage near the far end corner of the store that was decorated with blood-red streamers and cloth. The exhibit was sectioned off from all the other cages, and a large sign loomed behind it on the wall that said: EXECUTION DATE: JULY 23RD AT 7:40 P.M. Today was July 23rd, and it was almost 7:40 P.M. I frowned and glanced over my shoulder at Emi. "Is that his cage?" I asked.

Emi seemed to shrink a little and nodded. "Yes, but he's an Original... no one likes him, and he's not a very good humanoid."

Although I wanted Emi, I was quite curious who this Sasuke character was. His name sounded familiar to me, but he was a humanoid, so there was no possibly way I could have met him before. "There is no such thing as a good humanoid," I said dismissively as I walked over to the sequestered exhibit. I could hear Emi whimpering behind me, pleading me not to go; but I couldn't help it.

I wanted to look at the face of the bastard who had called me Usuratonkachi – whatever the Hell that meant.

When I reached the cage, I didn't waste any time waiting for someone or something to rear its ugly head and look up at me. I peered over the opaque glass panels and stared wide-eyed at the humanoid I found glaring up at me. The humanoid Emi identified as Sasuke was otherworldly. He was a slender, becoming alteration with skin that was that kind of flawless creaminess that only erotic deities possessed and his hair was the color of obsidian. His eyes were a starless black and shone like mirrors – like a cat's eyes. For some unknown reason, I found him utterly beautiful. He was well-proportioned in every aspect, and his face was angelic.

However, the ugly expression he had plastered on his face ruined everything. He looked like he had eaten something rotten.

"So, you're Sasuke, huh?" I said, loud and deafening, just to piss him off. "You're the one who called me Usuratonkachi-dattebyo?"

"Hn," he said, ignoring me (to my extreme disbelief). "What the Hell does 'dattebyo' mean?"

The nerve of this scum! "Don't change the topic, teme!" I shouted. "How would you feel if I did that to –?"

"– Don't change the topic, dobe!" the humanoid had the balls to shout back at me. "How would you feel if I did that to you?"

Chafed, I fell silent and settled for glaring at the aggravating humanoid. Sasuke, or whomever this asshole was, deserved to be executed. He pissed me off, and to be quite honest, I never met anybody as irritating as him. Just the way this alteration spoke and looked at me got under my skin. "You're an asshole," I informed him straightforwardly, trying hard not to show my exasperation on my face. "You know that-dattebyo? You're an asshole, a class 'A' asshole."

For a brief moment, Sasuke's face softened, but then he growled at me. "Tell me something I don't know," he hissed.

I just wanted to hit him. In other parts of Konohagakure, if a humanoid spoke out like Sasuke did, they'd be tortured and or executed for their insolence – especially if they talked to my dad or me like that. That was probably why Toxic Fantasy had scheduled a date for him to be executed. He was beautiful, alright, but had too much of a poisonous tongue for any customer to buy. He was just like what Emi said – "defective".

When I didn't respond, Sasuke just frowned at me; the rounded, cat-like ears adorning the top of his head swiveling around to pick up a faint noise from the front of the store. I grunted and glanced over at the clock that was fixed above the changing rooms' near the clothing department. It read 7:35 P.M. In five minutes, Sasuke the Humanoid would cease to exist, and I will never have a chance at finding out the meaning of "Usuratonkachi".

"Oh? Hello, Naruto. I wasn't aware you were interested in Sasuke," Jacinda opined as she materialized beside me. She had an unpleasant smile fixed on her face, and she was looking at me with a weird gleam in her eye, as if she knew something that I didn't. "He's one of Toxic Fantasy's more impressive specimens... well, _was_." She glanced down at her wrist watch. The time, 7:38 P.M, flashed a bright, bold blue. "It's time for him to go."

I opened my mouth to disagree with her – that I wasn't interested in Sasuke, and that he wasn't at all impressive – but the alarmed expression that had mounted itself on Sasuke's flawless facade caught me off guard. He looked terrified, but he hid it well. As Jacinda moved around me and pulled out a silver key that unlocked Sasuke's cage, the humanoid I had been fighting with just minutes ago seemed to shrink and become uncharacteristically apprehensive. All the color was gone from his face, and he glanced at me for a brief moment – not too long, but enough for me to get a weird feeling, like someone had just hit me in my stomach.

"Wait!" I cried, throwing myself between Jacinda and Sasuke. "Can I buy him? He doesn't have to be executed, does he?"

"Ah, well, if you want him, no," Jacinda said quickly, her face losing its sharpness. "It's just Master Jagannath wants him liqu–"

"–I'll pay any amount of money to have him!" I said, "Just don't execute him! I want him; I don't care how much of an asshole he is!"

"Are you sure, my lord?" Jacinda asked.

_No._ I swallowed hard and nodded. "Yes."

Jacinda smiled at me and even though I was scared and nervous and just plain freaked out I smiled back at her. Sasuke was an asshole – a complete and total asshole – but something about his frightened expression made me want him, want to protect him. "Alright," she said as she ushered Sasuke out of his cage. "He won't be executed, then. I'll inform Master Jagannath; and then give you the papers you must sign to purchase Sasuke. I'll be back within five minutes."

"Oh... alright... good... I... well, alright," I babbled. "We'll be waiting-dattebyo!"

Jacinda dipped her head in respect and then left, disappearing to one of those back rooms in the store. I sighed and looked over at Sasuke, who was staring at me with an odd expression fixed on his face. "What?" I asked, and some of the tension that had been building inside me loosened. "What's wrong?"

"You... never mind," he said as he crossed his arms and looked down at the floor.

Sasuke wasn't the most perfect humanoid. He was an asshole, a downright cunt, but there was something about him that made me want to save him. Although I had a hunch I'd regret my decision later tonight, I felt pretty normal as I stood beside his old exhibit, leaning against the vine-crossed wall, with my arm behind the back of my head like a boss. There was nothing Sasuke could say or do to ruin my sense of righteousness...

"I've always known you were dumb, but not _this_ dumb, Usuratonkachi."

... Except that. "I just saved your fucking life, teme!" I exploded.

By the time Jacinda returned with a clipboard, Sasuke and I were at each others' throats, throwing each verbal insult we could think of at each other. I was just about to punch Sasuke in his crotch when Jacinda's delicate, manicured hand appeared in front of me, blocking my view of Sasuke's irritating physique. "What's this?" I grumbled, face red from arguing. "Another goddamn wager? For fuck's sakes, he was supposed to be executed. Why do I have to sign this?"

"No. Master Jagannath could care less if Sasuke dies or is harmed," she said dismissively. "That's just a transaction."

"Oh," I muttered, taking a seat on the floor. "That's all it better be. How much is this asshole?" I glanced at the upper right part of the paper and paled a little. _¥ 3240000? _Fuck, that's a lot. I looked over at Sasuke and glowered at him. "You cost a fortune," I hissed at him. "You are one of the most expensive things I've ever had the displeasure of buying-dattebyo!"

"Like I care," Sasuke grunted.

I chose to ignore him. "What does it mean here that I'm responsible for whatever catastrophic event happens because of him?" I asked Jacinda as I pointed at a peculiar statement in the transaction. It said that, because my purchase was an Original and not a Common, I have to be held responsible for whatever destruction my humanoid afflicts upon Konohagakure; but like, what the Hell was that? Sasuke couldn't hurt shit. We're all deities – much more powerful and invincible than him. I shouldn't have to sign my signature on this stupid paper because Jagannath is afraid the kitten I prevented him from executing might scratch a person or two.

"Original humanoids have a bit more of a temper than Common humanoids," she said. "That's all."

I should have bought Emi. "Oh, alright," I mumbled as I finished filling out the rest of the transaction. Near the bottom of the paper was a dotted line that asked for my signature, and because deities didn't use graphite to authorize their stuff but their actual Divine Ineffable Fire, or _chi_, I had to put the paper out in front of me and blast the thing.

After the supernal flames dissipated, my name (Naruto N. Uzumaki) burned a brilliant orange-red on the transaction paper. When you used Divine Ineffable Fire, no one else but you could remove it or copy it. Whenever my father used his chi to sign a document or transaction, many entities failed copying it, because no one's DIF could match his chi's brilliant apricot hue.

"I'm done-dattebyo," I announced rather begrudgingly, handing Jacinda the transaction. "All filled out."

"Wonderful!" Jacinda said, and with an elegant sweep of her hand she tucked the transaction under her armpit and bowed. "With this purchase, all your scatological desires will come true. Thank you for shopping at Toxic Fantasy." She turned towards Sasuke and smiled at him – a true, sincere smile – and said, "It's fantastic that you will now be living alongside Lord Minato's son. If you'll just follow me, I'll get you out of those grubby garbs and into something a bit more tasteful."

"Tasteful? More like shameful," Sasuke hissed under his breath. I wanted to hit him, but he lurched forward and followed the sensual scum hostess to the clothing department before I could take a swing at him, which was fortunate for him. I could kill Sasuke with just one flick of my finger – humanoids were _that _delicate. Some could take a real beating, but that was because they were bred for abusive customers; but since Sasuke was an Original, he wasn't bred for anything. From what I understood about Original humanoids, Sasuke was born human, but was later altered and then perhaps frozen to keep from aging (and dying) as the decades flew by.

For a brief moment, I wondered if Sasuke was an asshole back then, when the world was populated mostly by mortals. Did he worship us gods before he was altered, or was he a heretic who just glowered at our temples and slandered our good name? Or worse, was he one of those stupid, asshole humans that dumbly declared war on us back in 2012?

Oh, great. I was beginning to suspect that, not only did I buy a complete asshole, but I bought a hated asshole that was loathed by both humanoid and deity. _I should have bought Emi,_ I internally groaned as I turned away from what was Sasuke's old exhibit and looked over at the front door. It didn't take me long to spot Shino and Kiba, for they were the closest to the front door; and a little behind them was Neji, who was scowling at a humanoid that sat on the ground beside him with large, frog-like eyes and ridiculously bushy eyebrows. Right beside the bushy-eyebrowed humanoid was Sakura who was, predictably, suffocating Sai between her breasts.

However, Shikamaru wasn't there. Had he dipped out, too, like Ino?

Huh. Well, whatever. "Oi, Shino! Neji! Sakura-chan!" I greeted as heartily as I could as I meandered over to them. Sakura looked up and smiled at me, her heart-shaped face flushed. Neji and Shino dipped their heads in acknowledgement, and Kiba, who had been talking up a storm with my buddy, turned and stared at me. "You guys ready to get going-dattebyo?" I asked.

"Yep," Shino said, popping one of his knuckles on his left hand. "It's getting late, and I'm rather tired."

"Me too," Sakura opined, kissing the side of Sai's face. "I don't want to be here when the Night Creatures come out."

"Me neither," Neji and I agreed at the same time, sighing.

"So, Naruto, where is your humanoid?" Shino asked, tilting his head to the side. "Who did you choose?"

"Jacinda's getting him dressed, I guess," I said as I gestured over to the clothing department. "You won't believe it, but I bought a complete and total asshole. Like, he just frustrates the Hell out of me!" I reached up and scratched the side of my face. "He's just so mean," I added with a rather sheepish laugh. "His name is Sasuke-dattebyo."

"You chose Sasuke?!" Sakura bellowed.

I blinked once, then twice, and then confusion swept over me. "Yeah... Wha-what's wrong, Sakura-chan?" I stammered.

"I wanted him," Sakura hissed, exasperated. Her pretty, emerald-green eyes were blinking rapidly with forming tears, and her arms tightened around Sai. He let out a low-pitched mew of discomfort and squirmed a little in her grasp, but didn't try to break free. "I was going to get him when I saved up the credit, Naruto. I was going to get him!" she cried.

I felt like my head was going to explode. "I'm sorry, Sakura-chan! I wasn't aware!" I said, but was she aware that Sasuke was just two seconds away from being executed when I bought him? I didn't think she was. "I bought him because he was about to be executed. That's the only reason why I got him-dattebyo!" I glanced over at Shino and Neji for some brotherly support, but neither demigod moved or came to my aid. "Besides... you got Sai, and he looks just like Sasuke-teme."

"I know that," she growled. "You're not getting the point here, though, Naruto. I can't buy Sasuke now that he's yours!"

I stared at her in utter disbelief, wondering if she even heard a single word I just said. "I saved Sasuke from execution," I said, frowning at her. "If I had waited a minute longer, Sasuke would be dead." I looked over at Shino and Neji again and added, "There wasn't anything in that transaction thing I had to sign that said I couldn't sell him, was there, guys?"

"Well..." Shino started.

"Actually..." Neji said. "You can't sell him. He's yours until he dies." He shot a particularly dark look down at his humanoid, who just beamed pleasantly back up at him.

"Well, shit," I said, looking back over at Sakura who was practically snarling at me. "Sorry-ttebyo."

"You're not sorry," Sakura barked, putting her nose up into the air. "You're not sorry at all, Naruto."

"I doubt Naruto bought Sasuke with the intention of stealing him from you," Shino piped up, glancing sideways at me as he spoke. "Sasuke was, after all, just about to be executed, so stop being so irrationally upset, Sakura."

Warmed that Shino actually bothered to stick up for me, I smiled and him and nodded with enthusiasm. Had I known Sakura wanted Sasuke (even though she had that asshole's look-alike) I wouldn't have gotten him, even if he was about to be "put down" because he was a "bad cat". I loved Sakura. Her happiness meant the world to me, but sometimes she truly didn't deserve being showered with such artificial contentment. Just because she was a demigoddess and was entitled to happiness didn't mean she was going to get it from me twenty four seven.

"Shut up, Shino," Sakura snapped. "I can be upset if I want to be. Who are you to tell me what I should or shouldn't be?"

"Don't talk to my Lord like that, you whore!" Kiba barked, and Shino had to thrust his arm out to stop his humanoid from clawing Sakura's face.

Sai's charcoal, pliable lips peeled back as he hissed at Kiba, who in turned growled at him. "That's it!" Sakura screeched in frustration, pushing past me. "I'm going home! You assholes can walk yourselves home!" She spat as she stomped out of the store with Sai swinging back and forth in her lanky arms. Shino, Neji, and I watched in some sort of a daze as she slipped into our ride home, pulled out of the parking lot, and sped off into the night.

"Jeez, how troublesome," Neji grumbled.

I laughed. "Hah, you pulled a 'Shikamaru,' Neji!"

* * *

**ˋˏEˎˊˋˏNˎˊˋˏDˎˊ ˋˏOˎˊˋˏFˎˊ ˋˏCˎˊˋˏHˎˊˋˏAˎˊˋˏPˎˊˋˏTˎˊˋˏEˎˊˋˏRˎˊ**

**YAY~!**

**So, was it good? (:**

**Review, please. I don't know what you think of it unless you comment!  
**

**Brought to you by,  
**

**⋰F⋰o⋰r⋰e⋰v⋰e⋰r⋰-⋰c⋰h⋰a⋰n⋰**

**Oh, BY THE WAY,  
**

**For those complaining about the revisions I've made to _my_ own fan-fiction, please understand that I'm rewriting this because I purely want to.  
**

**If you don't like what I've done to my own story, please keep your negative opinion to yourself. Constructive criticism is appreciated, not discouraging.  
**

**Oh, and regarding the guest reviewer who keeps imprudently raging to me about deleting his poorly constructed review, please PM me if you are that butthurt over my fiction. Thank you! :)  
**


End file.
